Are you there for your mates when they need you most?
Declining mental health is a a real issue in our rural communities. Here is how you can read the signs early on if one of your friends or family members is not feeling well and may need your support.
The rural sector has been under immense pressures for many different reasons and sadly, this is contributing to increasing suicide and depression rates in our farming families.
Facts, figures and stats about farm health are regularly reported. Still, there is little practical information out there on the signs to watch out for when someone is mentally struggling and the ways that families and friends can help.
Now, this is not going to transform anyone into a psychologist. I simply want to give insights into what symptoms to look for, how to approach a difficult conversation, and how to assist others to get the help they need and deserve.
Outward signs for depression or other mental health issues are changes in behaviour such as:
check out depression.org.nz for more info
Secluding themselves, avoiding social occasions with friends and family
Anger outbursts, frustration with small things
Drinking (more than that cold beer after a hard day)
Working more or working less - depending on what is happening on the farm, the pressure of never being on top of things, or the anxiety of being useless will cause either over-working and hesitation to take needed breaks. Or it might result in not wanting to work at all.
Loss of energy/motivation to exercise
Difficulty to make decisions
Lower enthusiasm for things they used to enjoy doing.
Sometimes people do not see these changes in themselves. They can be quite subtle and often explained by ‘I’ve had a hard day’. If they become more frequent however, it may be time to have a conversation about what is going on with the friend or family member concerned.
Starting the conversation can be tricky, but it is better to speak up than to remain silent and do nothing at all. Avoiding the person affected can make it even more challenging for them.
How to go about addressing mental health issues and having that difficult conversation with your friend or family:
Pick a place that is quiet and private
Have plenty of time up your sleeve
Listen, do not talk over them
Refrain from giving your advice, instead show that you are listening to them
Ask open-ended questions (like how are you feeling? When are you feeling like that? What makes you feel this way?)
Offer reassurance
Encourage them to seek help and providing the support they need to do so.
It is important not to tell them to snap out of it or harden up. Do not avoid them or assume the problem will go away. Ongoing support is extremely critical. Just be there for them and ensure that you and the person affected make use of the available resources. Seeking help through their doctor, counsellor, or other free resources will keep the positive progression going - there is nothing wrong with checking in on how they are going either. Encouraging them to exercise and getting out with friends and family helps as well.
Along the way, ensure that you are taking care of your own mental wellbeing. Especially if you are the person's partner or closely connected, make sure you get opportunities to relax and take a break when you need it.
Resources
Where to get help
Need to Talk? Free call or text 1737 any time to speak to a trained counsellor, for any reason.
Lifeline: 0800 543 354 or text HELP to 4357
Suicide Crisis Helpline: 0508 828 865 / 0508 TAUTOKO (24/7). This is a service for people who may be thinking about suicide, or those who are concerned about family or friends.
Depression Helpline: 0800 111 757 (24/7) or text 4202
Samaritans: 0800 726 666 (24/7)
Youthline: 0800 376 633 (24/7) or free text 234 (8am-12am), or email talk@youthline.co.nz
What's Up: online chat (3pm-10pm) or 0800 WHATSUP / 0800 9428 787 helpline (12pm-10pm weekdays, 3pm-11pm weekends)
Kidsline (ages 5-18): 0800 543 754 (24/7)
Rural Support Trust Helpline: 0800 787 254
Healthline: 0800 611 116
Rainbow Youth: (09) 376 4155
Author: Amelia Wood
